Times I Actually Fall In Love with Being Alive

Ten of them, Even

Yeah, I’m Fucking kidding, I only finished five

So, science and just plain old experience has proven that happier people generally are people who are more grateful people. And science is smart, people. Seriously though, the saying’s we’ve heard again and again like, “count you’re blessings,” and “be grateful for what you have,” or shit like that isn’t just some hogwash. Yeah… I know, I just fucking said hogwash. But it’s easy to name off the basics, like our families and our homes or our jobs, our health, our fat bank accounts, whatever the fuck makes you feel safe and secure enough to be able enough to fall asleep every night, but do you ever stop and think about what really makes you fall in love with being alive? Because someday you won’t be. Alive, that is. And if you have sometime to think about it before you check out of this world forever, a moment or two to reflect about the time you’ve spent here as a visitor… what made you fall in love with living here? With this experience called life? Because most of it fucking sucks, you don’t have to tell me. I’m so well experienced on how shitty this place is that I’m often distracted with plans on how to check out early. So, I’m writing this blog more for myself more than anyone else… kinda like all my blogs, yeah. I know. Doesn’t matter. I need to cry. Alone, looking at only the face of my computer who will look back and not judge and I will feel no shame.

Surprised-Delight is what I’m calling my first love with life. Even as a child I can remember loving the look on my families faces and the sound of shocked laughter when someone is surprised with some good news, or an unexpected gift or seeing someone all of a sudden that they’ve really missed and hadn’t seen in some time. We all know that reaction. Sometimes it may be even be accompanied by laughter through tears (another one of my favorite emotions) but it’s such a happy and moving moment. And for me, I love seeing someone experiencing it more that I love experiencing it myself. Something beautiful about feeling that amount of joy through another human that has always amazed me, and I suppose it always will…

I’ve come to know an old friend, again. One I’ve never quite liked. Some time ago I happily rid myself of this friend. Pain in the ass, cold as ice, always in the way, destroying my shit, ruining my days… then I moved away from the Northwest into Sunny California and had a very happy 12 years winter free. Goodbye Mr. Frost. So long Father Winter (I made him up just now, btw) nothing but blue skies and sunny days ahead. Well, that’s not completely true, either. We did get rain and some fog sometimes. But never did I ever had to step a foot outside and worry that my pinky toe would face a new day any cooler than possibly the low 50’s. Life’s funny, cause here’s my happy ass up here in God’s Country where they love Trump and their women, but they only fuck their step-sister’s and the sheep. Anyways, that’s not where I was going with this. What I’m trying to say is that I hate the cold weather something fierce. It’s more than uncomfortable. I feel cold like a physical pain. I don’t like this shit. Not one bit. When some asks how cold it is and then someone else answers in the single digits, I have thoughts of suicide running through my head. BUT, despite that being one of my top hated things of this world, there’s one sensation that’s a pretty good apology.

Yup, it’s an actual “thing!”

In the early mornings and the evenings when the air is really cool and the ground is mostly covered in shadows and you find that one spot where that one ray of sunlight is pouring through with all it’s got and you step into the sunlight, feel your clothes, your hair, your skin all start to warm and you stop shivering for a few moments. It smells different, it puts you in a different mood like you can feel yourself being energized by that little ray of light. If it weren’t for the intense and stark contrast of temperature outside of that sun ray, you’d never actually know how wonderful that felt. Apricity. And literally the only thing… ONLY thing that I like about winter.

“Ah-Ha!” Moments. Or, as some refer to as the lightbulb moments. When it just clicks. Ya finally get it! Whatever it is, doesn’t matter. The feeling, the experience, the sensation… “aaaaahhhhh! I seeee waaaaachooo were sayin!”

Word. Yeah ya do! I love it. If it’s a math problem, or how to fucking figuring out finally how to build IKEA furniture, or when someone has been painstakingly trying to explain something to you for an hour and you’re only response is to resemble a guppy and squawk out, “WAT?!” every few seconds…

Than a braingasm!! Everything comes into focus, seems brighter somehow… like wtf, wow dude! Your hair is blown back and you just literally felt your brain grow for sure!! And now that you know what you know, you can never, ever un-know it. To me, it’s amazing. I fucking love it when I brain-cum from my braingasms. I try to brain-cum as much as I possibly can. I guess I’m like a Nerv? A part nerd, part perv? Oh? No, just all nerd then? Gotcha.

Hugs. Like, amirte, guys? Good ones, anyway. None of that noodle arm bullshit, or standing four feet away and tapping my shoulders with your palms cuntery. Fuck that shit-sack. That’s a no-go. I mean the kind of hug that wraps you up into a whole other human and as you exhale you’re melting… and all the days stress and all of your body ached and everything you had on your mind melted off right along with the rest. You’re left in the warmth of another living, loving, sentential-being who experiences things very much the same way you do, only this human is special. It’s one of the very few humans that you find comfort in and draw strength from. Their smell, their mere presence makes you happier. But those hugs… humans like that and hugs like those are what give us hope and the endurance to continue every day. Every. day.

I’m more human than you are.

Dogs. Need I say more?

The most honest, pure, devoted, loyal, unconditional loving people I know are all dogs. Not people at all. I’m certain that without their existence on this planet with us, experiencing life by our our side, ever steady, forever our most truest and devote companion, that I would have found no real innocence in this world. Innocence with the heart of a lion, without a thought of selfishness and a presence of constant, enduring joy. Their joy for life can only be amplified by the opportunity to further serve, love and give without restraint to those whose lives they touch. If people where ever to strive to be better in any and all ways, they need only look to man’s best friend for an example.

Many times, in fact, most times in my life my closet friend and only friend has been a furry, four legged goofball whose tall wagged with happiness and never stopped. I moved a lot as a child and learned early in life how people could be. They don’t like change, they don’t like someone who looks different from them. They don’t like people who don’t understand or agree with their customs. I’m an outsider, a nomad, I have no place I call home unless it’s with my dog. The sopport that a bullied kid needs, the company the elderly crave, they lead the blind, they become officer’s of the law and fight wars along us always putting their lives at risk before the people they are to protect. They do it happily and it brings them joy. In fact, I don’t know much that they don’t do in life with joy. They have the ability to forget and forgive their abusers, and to love with the same might again and again. Not for personal gain, no reward, just the experience of living and loving life. Just to be a live. To be always happy to be alive. It’s amazing and inspiring to me. I’m in awe of our best friend. Many times over I wouldn’t be here writing this blog had I not had a dog friend there for me. What a gracious gift or just the luck of the draw that the world gave us this inspiring best friend.

The potential for humanity in humans…

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